I’ve just been reviewing my maths and the mission brief is crystal clear: we need to successfully execute 3 of our last 5 operations to lock down a spot in the September Finals. Bring it on. Can we do it? You bloody bet we can. I’ve been aggressively praying to the Rugby League Gods all month and they finally authorized my requests— our injured stars are returning. You are all welcome.
The heavy cavalry is officially rolling out of the triage tent. Reinforcements are touching down in the shape of Captain Murray, Tallis Duncan, and David Fifita. I genuinely believe we are about to deploy the most lethal, heavily-armed task force we’ve had on the field in months. Combined with the return of Adam Elliott and Sean Keppie last week, this squad is only growing stronger as we march forward.
(I wrote this article before the news of Campbell Graham’s calf injury —- bloody Footy Gods are not listening to me)
Now, for my own cardiovascular health, I need to officially cease getting my vitals spiked over the Latrell Mitchell situation.
Chief of Police Mitchell is a complete psychological enigma right now. If I tap into the rumour mill, one wiretap has me believing he’ll be strapping on his armour and returning to active duty next week, while another classified whisper says his chassis is in maximum lockdown until 2027. I am a terminal optimist when it comes to the cardinal and myrtle, but I have to accept the grim medical forensics. We might just have to go to war without Latrell and repeat our 2021 finals run —except this time, we take the podium and hold the premiership shield.
Let’s file a quick post-mortem on last week’s operation. It was a disappointing result on the rap sheet, but if I’m writing a fair incident report, we did an elite job considering the circumstances.
The Sharks syndicate is running red-hot and operating at absolute maximum capacity. Personally? I think they are blowing through all their tactical ammo way too early, but only time will prove me wrong. We, on the other hand, were operating on a skeleton crew. Our blunt-force effort areas were fantastic; it was just a few micro-moments we failed to ice. And don’t even get me started on the officiating—almost every single 50/50 call was handed to them but that is life. To go down to a heavily armed Sharks cartel by only 16 points under those conditions was a legitimate positive. It’s better to take that shrapnel now than in four weeks. This task force will only grow deadlier from an operation like that.
Up next: The Parramatta Eels.
This club is in complete disarray. Their season already has a toe tag on it in the morgue. Did you watch their surveillance footage from last week? They were handling the Steeden like it was covered in venomous spiders or rigged with live C4.
But do not underestimate a desperate, cornered team. This is a side that pushed the Penrith dynasty to the absolute brink a few weeks back. We need to keep the riot shields up and the perimeter tight. This is our golden opportunity to show the rest of the league exactly what kind of lethal force we’ve been building toward.
Game Predictions:
The Scoreboard: Rabbitohs execute the warrant and win by a highly comfortable 24 points.
The Discipline: We complete our sets at a lethal 90%. No dropped evidence. No unforced misdemeanours.
The Ultimate Miracle: We finish the operation with ZERO injuries and ZERO suspensions. (I am knocking on every piece of wood in the Bunny Cave).
Uncle Wayne Bennett is a certified criminal mastermind when it comes to peaking a squad for September, and the timeline is officially now. The tactical puzzle pieces are clicking into position. We have secured a strong vantage point on the ladder. The medical ward is emptying out, and our elite officers are healed, reloaded, and ready to breach.
We know the masterplan. Now we execute. It’s time to cheer, Burrow. Strap on your boots and get ready for a violent, beautiful end to the regular season.
Ears up. Bite down. Let’s fry some Eels.